Confucius says: Girl who marries diamond merchant, gets a gem of a person.

Confucius says: Man who is gay, can be a pain in the a**.

Confucius says: Man who loses left hand, must eat food with a spoon.

Confucius says: Suicide bomber who walks into 31st night party, starts New Year with a bang.

Confucius says: Getting a job is like having a baby. Only the end result matters, not the number of attempts it took.

Confucius says: Man who works in coal mine, earns black money.

Confucius says: Software engineer who flirts with beautiful client, is just trying to be user-friendly.

Confucius says: Man who overdoses on laxatives on 31st night, will begin the New Year in deep shit.

Confucius says: Man who forgets to give Christmas gift to girlfriend, gets crucified.

Confucius says: A little kid once wrote to Santa Claus, "Santa, send me a brother". Santa replied, "Send me your mother."

Confucius says: Software engineer who watches porn in office, will get a quick release.

Confucius says: Man who celebrates birthday in hostel, has a kickass time.

Confucius says: Man who gets placed in cigarette company, gets a smoking hot offer.

Confucius says: Man who works in telecom company, has good networking skills ;)

Confucius says: Man who mixes Viagra with laxative, does not know whether he's coming or going.

Confucius says: Boy who ogles at school teacher, will soon be taught a lesson.